Category: Blog

You Are More Than What You Do

There is a difference between who you are and what you do. It’s easier to identify with what you do. It’s not uncommon to be asked, “What do you do?” in conversation. It’s a common curiosity. We focus so intently on what we do since our performance often dictates our rewards in life – whether those rewards are monetary or otherwise. Our actions often determine our reward. Our line of work has great influence on how we identify ourselves. But, who you ARE is so much more important than what you do.

Simon Sinek recently tweeted “Our passion lies deep in who we are, not what we do.” What we do is an expression of who we are. What we do is a small part of a greater, far more complex system of who we are. Included in our “who” are what we do, our passions, our fears, our confidence, our perceptions, our inclinations, and even more. Our passions truly lie deep within who we are, and they are hopefully well-expressed through our actions – through what we do.

This is not to say that we can look at what we do and then get a complete idea of who we are. We might act in ways that may be inconsistent with who we are. We may act a particular way out of obligation, pressure, or circumstance. We may act a particular way for any number of reasons. By stating “our passions are hopefully well-expressed through our actions” assumes the conditions, whether internal or external (or both), that cause or allow us to act that way – with intent.

When we over identify with what we do though, we see successes and failures as a reflection of who we are. Successes and failures may be the result of any number of factors. These might include effort (whether inadequate, complete, inconsistent, consistent, etc.), or the decisions of others, which we can’t control. Any number of factors contribute to our successes and failures in life, but they are not a reflection of who you are. While it’s easy to use these successes and failures as measurements, they don’t measure who you are. They may (or may not) be great measurements for what you do or what you need to do. However, they do not measure who we are.

In fact, measurements of success are actually based on accomplishment of effective objectives. To truly measure success, we need well-defined objectives from which success can be measured. So, to really measure success accurately, you would have needed to have done the work of establishing effective objectives from which to measure success. This is certainly not something that you should tie your self-worth to. Creating effective objectives, and then measuring our progress or accomplishment on those objectives certainly lies within the realm of “what you do”.

You will succeed, and you will fail. Those are not reflections of who you are. You start to get closer to who you are when you learn from your successes and failures. What have you learned from your past successes and failures? How have you internalized those things? What have you done as a result of those things that you’ve learned? It’s not the success or the failure that defines you. When you learn from them and internalize them because of who you are, and then act again in accordance with those lessons, who you are starts to better affect what you do.

So then, who are we? Who are you?

That’s a journey that you have to take. There’s no singular path to discovering that, but there are some strategies that can help you get there. They include putting down the phone, journaling, asking “why?” being purposeful, playing, and meditating.

So, go and work hard. Strive for success, but always be aware that what you do does not define who you are, because who you are is so much more important than what you do. Whether things work out in your favor, or whether they don’t – remember that it’s who you are that matters most.

Writing Prompt – Where Have You Found Success?

For this writing prompt, you’ll take a moment and consider “Where have your found success?” How you can use that success find success in your life going forward? Understanding our past successes helps us to understand our strengths as well as where we might be relying too much on past successes. Let’s dig a little deeper…

First, consider a time (or more) that you’ve been successful. Ask yourself questions about it. What did you consider success? Where have you found success? How did you find it? What did you do? What mindset did you have? What were you trying to accomplish? Who were you working with? Why do you think you found it? When was this in your life? What else was going on in your life? What circumstances were present in your life during this? How much of a role did luck play? How much of a role did privilege play? Ask yourself these questions and more. Describe how it felt before, during and after. Dig deep, and understand it. If you have more than one, do this for each of them.

Now it’s time to consider both sides of this coin. First, by examining past successes, you find patterns that can help you achieve success in your present endeavors. What mindset did you have that helped you find success? Were you super focused? Were you more relaxed? Were you in a flow state? Were there particular people involved that played particular roles? For example, was there a mentor or a leader involved? Were you able to focus more? Did you devote more time to your goal than you are willing to now? What other things do you notice from your previous successes that you can apply to your current circumstances?

Now, the other side of the same coin. Sometimes, we find that we are relying too much on our past successes in our present circumstances. Do you find that you are relying on those same patterns that helped you achieve previous success in a new context where they don’t necessarily apply today? Perhaps the ideas and actions that got you to where you are, are not the right ones to get you to where you’re trying to get. Maybe circumstances are different now, or maybe now you need to dig a little deeper to find new focus or achieve a greater level of clarity. Sometimes we rely too heavily on what got us to where we are, not understanding what we need to do in order to grow from where we are. Ask yourself, are you relying too heavily on past successes, or on the patterns of past successes to help you achieve what you’re trying to do now?

This doesn’t mean that you still can’t gain and understanding of how to grow by examining past successes. It’s quite the opposite! By examining past successes, we learn how to apply what has been successful, and we can discover gaps in our approach today. Both of which can help you to find success going forward.

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Writing Prompt – Clarity

This week’s writing prompt is around clarity. Clarity provides more than motivation. Clarity is more than having goals, or know what you’re working on. Clarity supercharges motivation, clarity helps you to approach your goals with more exactness. Take some time this week and write about clarity. Ask yourself the following questions… What are you working on? Do you have clarity on what you’re working on? How can you gain further clarity? What are you seeking clarity on?

James Clear states that, “Clarity is the elimination of mental clutter.” When we’re clear on something, we’re able to put some of the other options away. Being clear means cleaning away the clutter so that we can more clearly see what we’re looking at. Clarity provides extra focus.

For example, if you’re setting a goal to do something, you have to not only have the goal, but you have to have the understanding of why you want to do that thing. Having a compelling “why” helps you to stay engaged. Beyond even that though, understanding how, when, and where provides additional clarity to your goal. Making those additional commitments of not just “what” or “why” but also “how” and “when” and “where” will help you to further understand what might stand in the way of achieving your goals. Having clarity up front will help you to identify possible hurdles, and how you can handle them.

Complete clarity comes through action, not thought alone. It’s great, even important, to make notes on clarity up front. It’s important to identify hurdles, and to anticipate problems. True and complete clarity is revealed through action though. As you act, you’ll find that there will be new hurdles. You’ll find that the effort will be different than what you imagined it to be. To truly understand something, to truly gain clarity on a subject, you have to act on it. That’s when you gain ultimate clarity.

So this week, also write on what you’ve taken action on, and what you may already have clarity about. You may find addition insight on something that your action has provided you clarity on that you may have overlooked. You may very well find insight that you have been missing.

Writing Prompt – What Are You Afraid of?

This week’s writing prompt will have you take a little time to examine what you’re afraid of. Take a few moments and write down a few things that you’re afraid of. What are some things that you’re not taking action on because of fear? What decisions are you making out of fear?

Identifying Fears

It’s important to identify your fears. Fear can cloud your vision, and make it difficult to make good decisions. Fear can make it difficult to see all of your available options. When you’re afraid, you don’t typically think well. When you make decisions based on fear, you often miss or skip over viable options.

Your Comfort Zone

Where is the end of your comfort zone? Are you choosing goals that fall outside of it? When you choose to set goals that are within your comfort zone, you’re just maintaining, you’re not growing. In order to grow, you need to reach outside of your comfort zone and take action there – we all do. If you’re not actively reaching outside of your comfort zone, why not? How can you start?

When you choose not to set goals because of your fears, you miss out on potential growth. It’s when we try and fail, that we learn and grow. You may fail if you set goals that are difficult, but you’ll learn and grow as a result. You’ll also find that those things you were so afraid of weren’t so bad. You may also find that facing those things that you’re afraid of actually give you the strength to face other things that you need to face.

What are you putting off because you’re afraid of something, and how long do you intend to put that thing off? When you actually take action on that thing, you may find that you have the capacity within you to do that thing that you’ve been putting off. We often don’t understand the capacity that’s within us until we take action on something that we thought we couldn’t do.

You Don’t Have to Climb the Entire Mountain Right Now

You also don’t have to take on the entire thing, you just have to take action. Often times when you think of taking on something large, it feels overwhelming. You will often find that just taking action will start you down a path that will allow you to better understand and find success. You don’t have to be afraid of the entire thing, you just have to know how to do what’s next.

Fear and Caution

A note on fear and caution. Earlier, it was mentioned that fear can cloud our judgement. It’s not just blind valor that gets us through fear though. We can certainly move forward with caution as well. In fact, caution is often what allows us to move forward safely. When we identify and can be vulnerable about our fears, we can move forward in a way that allows us to feel and be safe. Identifying fears is not a weakness. Vulnerability is not a weakness. Identifying fears and vulnerabilities is also a way to design a way forward.

Identifying Fears as a Way Forward

At some point in the future, you will look back and be thankful that you were vulnerable enough to identify your fears. You will certainly find that some fears were unfounded. You will also find that some fears were legitimate and required caution, which also allowed you to move forward. Either way, you will have moved forward with courage and intent.

Writing Prompt – Who do You Admire?

This week’s writing prompt is about understanding who you admire, and what about them you hold in high regard. So, who do you admire? They could be historical figures, modern day figures, artists, musicians, thought leaders, leadership, family, or friends. It could be anybody that you admire. Make a list of 3-5 people. Consider the qualities that you appreciate about them and list them for each person. Now look at your list. Do you notice any overlap between these people? Are there overlapping qualities or traits that you notice? Now look at those traits and journal about how you could incorporate those qualities into your life.

In a recent podcast episode, Chase Jarvis discussed how “the people that live wildly creative lives or are paid to do what they live, built what they have deliberately and strategically.” When you really take time to study the people that you look up to, rather than casually admire them, you’ll find goals, objectives, strategies, tactics, and practices that allowed them to build their success. Take a deeper look at the people you admire, and see what it is that they do that allowed them to build the life that you admire.

Who do you admire? Why? How can you emulate the characteristics of the people that you look up to the most? What can you incorporate into your life to build success in different parts of your life?

Writing Prompt – Wellbeing

Self-care is so important, especially right now. Addressing your wellbeing is a constant effort, and not something that you can just shelve. When you have to address it, it’s usually too late because something has metaphorically boiled over. Once things get rough, you have to address wellbeing from a place of response rather than being proactive. This makes it more urgent, and may come at an emotional cost. This week’s writing prompt asks the question – What are you doing for your wellbeing? How are you maintaining your wellbeing?

Your wellbeing is both physical and emotional. When we address one, we typically end up addressing the other. Physical exercise plays an important role in our emotional wellness as well as our physical wellbeing. When we exercise, we gain self-confidence, improve our mood, increase our energy, improve our sleep, and even reduce stress. Not to even mention the physical benefits exercise provides!

Are you finding time for service, and for helping others? Even in our current socially-distanced reality, we can still provide emotional support when we feel unable to provide physical service. There are still opportunities to provide physical service as well.

You can learn new skills, journal, meditate, reach out to friends, find a wellness coach – any number of things to promote your own emotional wellbeing. If you’re already doing things to address your wellbeing, keep it up! If you feel like you could work on ways to increase your wellbeing, journal that this week, and start working on those right away! You may find that as you proactively address your wellbeing, that you’ll start making progress on what means the most to you!

This is not to say that there aren’t real reasons that you should not reach out for professional help. If you feel like you need help, please call your doctor. If you need help right away, don’t hesitate to contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Writing Prompt – What Will You Stand For?

Life is full of distraction and obligation. It is so tempting to just go with the flow, not make waves, and take what life gives you. It’s so easy to accept what the status quo. The question this week is – What will you not compromise on, no matter what? What will you stand for this week, regardless of the pressures, temptations, distractions, and obligations you encounter?

What will you commit to this week? No matter what, make a commitment to stand for something this week, whether its small or large. Whether it’s completely personal or it has something to do with somebody else. Make a stand this week. What will you stand for?

What might cause you to compromise? What gathering storm may cause you to shrink from your commitment? Think about the things that might hinder your commitment – what distractions might creep up? What obligations do you already know you have? What pressures might be put on you to cause you to buckle and back down? Give these some thought too, and be prepared for them.

Once you know what you’re going to stand for, and you know what might cause you to compromise, journal ways that you’ll resist these forces that can cause compromise. How will you navigate obligations and distractions? Be ready for your week, know what you’re going to stand for, no matter what. Know what might cause you to compromise, then know how you can defeat these forces that might cause you to compromise.

You’ve got this.

Writing Prompt – What Are You Ignoring?

The world is a firehose of content and messages. It’s impossible to drink from a firehose, because the water comes out so fast and so powerfully that there’s no way to actually drink from it. Between media, learning, games, and the people around us, there’s a never-ending stream of information coming at you. You have to choose what you pay attention to, and what you ignore. This week’s writing prompt asks the question, “What are you ignoring?”

Are there things you choose to ignore that are worth ignoring? What are you paying attention to? Are you choosing to ignore a prompting to do something or say something? Is there a nagging feeling that crops up again and again that you’re not taking action on? Are there things in your life that feel unfinished or undone? Are there people that you feel like you should pay attention to? What about yourself? Are you ignoring your own needs?

How can you stop ignoring the things that you feel like you should be paying attention to? How can you stop paying attention to the things that take up your valuable mind?

Give some thought this week to the things that you’re ignoring. Pay attention to the things that seem to crop up in the back of your mind over and over. Maybe some of them will feel familiar as you find opportunities to journal and meditate.

Writing Prompt – What do you want?

I freewrite and write with purpose just about every day. I’m committed to spending time each week sharing writing prompts going forward this year as well. This Sunday, a particular question that my wife asked me really hit home.

What do you want?

It’s such a good question. It also brings up other questions in my mind. What do I want to get? More importantly, what do I want to give? What do I have to give? This single question is a great jumping off point for writing this week. Give this prompt a try this week if you’re looking for some writing inspiration!

About Your Purpose

When we think about purpose, we usually end up thinking about some grand vision of our “life’s purpose” or some similar thought. It’s big and all-encompassing. This can also make the idea of “purpose” overwhelming. Who’s to say that what’s important one day, week, month, or year is going to be equally as important on another? I think purpose needs to be thought of in more flexible terms.

When I say flexible, I don’t mean that it can be easily replaced, or that other things can easily take its place. Rather, I mean that you don’t have to commit to it for a lifetime. It can be shorter term.

True purpose is steady and substantial. They determine the decisions we make and why we make them. They influence our thought patterns and actions. They influence our goals, and how we maintain balance. True purpose is important, and shouldn’t be easily replaced.

However, if you are having trouble committing to your personal purpose, knowing that you can change it, or replace it with something you find more critical and meaningful may help you to more fully commit to it now. Sometimes we don’t commit to a purpose because it’s too all-encompassing. Understanding that it may change can help you to feel like you can commit to your purpose now.

You may also find that oftentimes purposes will fit together like puzzle pieces. Some purposes may be an entire purpose initially, but you may find that some pieces attach nicely to your initial purpose, forming a more complete version of the purpose you started out with.

Finding your purpose

If you’re having trouble finding your purpose, I’ve found being able to answer the question, “What am I willing to suffer for?” has helped. Even if you didn’t receive an award for something, what would you still be willing to do?

You can also ask yourself, what do you know you have to do? Look through your journal pages, do you see any themes? Go back and study them, highlight common themes and words that seem to repeat themselves. Perhaps you’ve been journaling your purpose the whole time. You’re sure to find insights as you study your own journals.

Obstacles and Challenges

Sometimes, you may need to move something to the side, go through it, or go around it in order to discover or continue with your purpose. This might feel frustrating, Just know that what you need to do now that you’ve encountered something doesn’t distract you from your purpose. Rather, the challenge is now part of it. You have to let these challenges reveal your strength, and not take it from you. You may need to redirect your efforts for a moment. this new challenge may even become your new purpose, if even only for a season, and that’s okay.

Your intent may be to move past it, so you may move through it, you may move around it. If so, don’t let challenges stand in the way of getting back on track. You can even use them as a compass – as challenges often only stop you from progressing, and not so much sliding backward. Stay on track.

Or don’t.

Let the challenge change you for the better and evolve from it. You may learn and change as a result of taking on challenges and obstacles. As you do, and you try to stay true to your purpose, you may find that you’ve changed, and so has your purpose. You’ll grow and become a better person as a result. Whether you get back on your path or find a new one as a result of your challenges is completely up to you, but stay committed to your purpose, however you find it.

Motives

As you encounter challenges and move along your path, be sure to examine your motives from time to time. This is an important one. If they’re authentic, sincere, and good, your purpose will gain momentum and you’ll gain confidence. Be willing to do the work of examining your motives. Are they aimed at a particular result or goal, and not being driven by your purpose? Are you preoccupied with results rather than acting in alignment with your spirit?

Set your goals, work hard, but be willing and open to the fact that there may be different objectives than what you had planned for – and that’s okay. When you’re committed to your purpose, but objectives change, you build confidence and character. The goalposts might move, but remaining aligned with your purpose invites peace and success, and centers you on your purpose rather than on the objectives you had set.

Walk a purpose-driven path. Know that things might change, and that’s okay. Evolve, grow, but above all, be willing to commit to your purpose.

Finding and living your purpose is a challenge. Having a tool to help you do it is a game-changer.

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