Offering Support and Ring Theory

In examining what I can do in light of recent protests and increased dialog, I recently came across the Ring Theory. It’s most easily explained using an image…

The general idea is that in the center, there is an afflicted individual, and a potentially affected or afflicted group. Moving outward, you come across rings that are increasingly further away from that afflicted individual. You move out through that individual’s family, friends, colleagues, and then to outsiders.

The afflicted individual is able to vent, gripe, complain, protest, and lament all the way out, moving outward, from the center of the diagram. Each group, moving outward, serves a listening function to the afflicted individual in the center. The best thing that each group moving outward can do is LISTEN.

When it comes to giving advice and support, the idea is that each group is more or less able to support the next immediate group moving inward. So the idea is that an outsider may better serve a LISTENING function for the afflicted, but would perhaps be most well suited for supporting the function immediately in from them.

The further out you are in the group, the less affected you are. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU’RE LESS NEEDED TO SUPPORT! It just means that you are not directly impacted by the event(s). When you want to act, it’s best to examine your role and location in the Ring Theory diagram, and act accordingly.

While Ring Theory is applicable in many situations, let’s use it within the context of police brutality and the recent (and not so recent) murders of black individuals by law enforcement as an example.

I want to be clear about this – black people are directly and grossly disproportionately affected by police brutality and violence against their race. This puts black people at the center of this diagram. Even more directly, you can (and should) place names at the very center of this diagram. Names such as George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmed Aubrey.

You can examine your place in this diagram by understanding where you sit. As a white male, I sit squarely in the “outsiders” ring. This means that I should LISTEN to those in the center. But to give SUPPORT, I need to target the next ring in.

So, how can I help? Who can I give advice to? Who can I teach? How do I offer support, and who do I offer it to?

I can advise outer rings, and even my same ring. I can help teach those around me by raising awareness and amplifying the voices further within the diagram. This is important, it’s how we can identify allies and how we affect change given our spheres of influence. What about support though?

Support can be directed to the next sphere in. When I consider the names of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmed Aubrey; when I consider the afflicted group of black-skinned people, and I try to understand where I sit in their support system, I find myself on the outside. When I look inward, and I consider ” colleagues”, who can I find? Who are “colleagues” of these afflicted individuals? Who do I offer my support to?

You may not be able to offer emotional support going further inward, but when you examine and study the ring moving inward, you can find support groups. You’ll find those who have organized to help those who are afflicted. That is where you can offer your support. You can give your time and march and protest with those who are marching and protesting. You can also give of your substance and give money. With just a little research, you can find the following…

• American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)
• Black Lives Matter Global Network
• National Police Accountability Project

…among so many others. There’s a good list at https://nymag.com/strategist/article/where-to-donate-for-black-lives-matter.html#victim-memorial. Of course, please do your research to find who you are most comfortable giving to, with the goal of helping those in the center of the diagram.

The point isn’t to get you to donate to these groups, the point is that by understanding where you exist within the context of those who are afflicted and affected, you can find ways to be an effective ally and offer support where it will be most appreciated and effective.

Please take some time to understand Ring Theory, and where you exist within the context of those who are afflicted and affected. Then take action to make things better.

Exploring Racism

Given the most recent events – the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmed Aubrey, and the not-so-recent-but-not-so-distant murders of Stephon Clark, Philando Castile, Freddie Gray, and so many others – I spent some time in deep reflection. Reflection of my own life, reflection about law enforcement, and reflection about those who are disproportionately affected by law enforcement violence, violence in general, and even Coronavirus – our fellow citizens who are black.

In my reflection and journaling, I discovered some uncomfortable truths for myself.

I want to be clear about something before I get too deep into this. I’ve had a relatively good, general sense of my white privilege. I understand that when I am pulled over by law enforcement, I am probably not going to be questioned because I’m not going to match the general profile of a potential criminal – that being having black skin. I have understood, in a general sense, that my white privilege has allowed me to succeed more easily than those with black skin. My wife and I have always understood and agreed that Black Lives Matter. We raise our children to have that same understanding. I have never thought of myself of a racist. I figured this always made me an ally.

I have generally thought of racism as a physical manifestation of hatred towards another race, which I have never participated in. I thought that racism manifested itself as physical violence, hate speech, and things of that nature. Because I don’t carry these hateful attitudes, and because I have believed and continue to believe that Black Lives Matter, I didn’t think of myself as a racist. Therefore, I thought of myself as a ally, helping where and when I could, which, admittedly, has been not very often.

In reflection, I realized something uncomfortable. I realized that when I succeed or fail as a white male, I succeed or fail based on not only my own efforts, abilities, skin color, and gender, but I also do it on the shoulders of generations of white ancestors. On the surface, you’d think, “Well yah, you’re white, your ancestors were white, you all had that same privilege.” I inherited that privilege. I never even had to CONSIDER my whiteness as a reason that I didn’t succeed, or as a reason that I struggled.

When I consider the struggles of black colleagues and black individuals, they have not had that same privilege. They’ve inherited GENERATIONS of oppression. That’s a lot of weight to carry on your shoulders. When somebody with black skin succeeds, they find success while carrying that weight, understanding what it means not only for future generations, but also for everybody else with that same skin color. There’s an entire history of oppression, with a system that systematically oppresses certain people based on the color of their skin.

I have not had to carry that weight. I have not had to succeed DESPITE those challenges. When I’ve complained about an instance where I didn’t like where things “ended up” because of circumstances that seemed beyond my control, I’ve landed in some fairly comfortable territory. If I’ve had a bad day and I get pulled over by law enforcement, there’s an overwhelmingly good chance that I won’t be shot. I don’t carry the weight of generations of oppression and resistance, up to today’s attitudes towards my race. This is racism.

I realized that racism isn’t ONLY the physical manifestation of hatred towards another race. It manifests in mundane, day to day things. It manifests itself when I find success. I have to acknowledge my generational privilege when I succeed, if only because I don’t carry the weight of generational oppression. This also means I need to acknowledge the generational challenges inherited by black colleagues, professionals, and individuals when I succeed, or when they don’t find their success. This also means I need to acknowledge the spectacular effort that black individuals have put forth to build their own success, having to carry the weight of generational and systematic oppression and resistance.

Racism exists whether or not we see the violent, hateful manifestation of it. The very existence of generational oppression and resistance, and the weight it exerts on those who bear it is proof of it. It is also manifested in the portrayal of violence and unrest in today’s events. Today, it is manifested in the media’s portrayal of protests as riots, vandalism, and civil unrest. Depictions of hundreds of thousands of black faces being shown alongside burning buildings, stampedes on bridges, and civil unrest associates black culture with this behavior. This is racism. Racism is near impossible for our black brothers and sisters to escape.

In an interview from 1971, Mohammad Ali reveals that when he was young, he asked questions – questions like… Why are all the angels white? Why is Jesus portrayed as white? Why is angel food cake white and devil’s food cake chocolate? Why was the ugly duckling black? Why did the president live in the White House? Why was Santa white? Why is called “blackmail”?This is systematic racism found in the most benign of places. Benign to me because I’m white, and I never had to ask these questions, or answer them for my child – and this is the privilege that I have had, and the environment which I’ve succeeded in, and the environment that black people have had to continually swim through. This video is worth watching…

Muhammed Ali on Black & White from Summer Storm on Vimeo.

This was my realization – that I am painfully and unwittingly an actor in the way racism plays out in today’s culture. This is hard to admit, having always considered myself an ally. If today’s generations of black individuals have to bear the weight of racism, then in order to help ease this burden, I must be willing to share it. If we are going to move forward, racism cannot be a burden only placed onto the shoulders of black culture – we all must be willing to bear the consequences and burdens of racism and take action because we’re all both affected by and actors in it. I must be willing to bear the consequences and burdens of racism. Not as a recipient of the negative effects of it (because my skin color excludes me from these burdens), but as an actor that has unknowingly participated in it, as uncomfortable as this may feel and sound.

We can each take action in our own ways. We can’t make racism about white culture – it’s pain has been born by those who are the recipients of the negative effects of it. We do, however need to be willing to explore where we exist within the context of racism, and admit our participation, even if only through complacency. Once we understand that we exist in it, and see where we do, we can take action to help alleviate it.

If we are going to heal and move forward as a nation, we must navigate this moment, together.

BLACK LIVES MATTER

BLACK LIVES MATTER. IT’S THAT SIMPLE.

Practicing Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand somebody else’s feelings and experiences. While sympathy means being able to sympathize with another person because you’ve gone through very similar, if not the same, experiences, empathy means understanding another person’s feelings, despite not having gone through the same experience(s). Empathy is an important skill and can be practiced. Practicing it can strengthen your relationships, and help to form new ones.

There are many ways to practice empathy. We can practice each of them at different times. Personally, I find the following four themes around empathy especially helpful. I try to do these things with varying degrees of success and consistency. My hope is that if I practice these things individually, I can cover a canvas, even if my efforts are only made up of individual strokes.

Practice Curiosity

By practicing curiosity about those around us, we learn about their lives. The more that we learn about others, the more we start to understand their circumstances. As we understand their circumstances, we begin to understand why they may say or do the things that they do. This is an important aspect to empathy.

We can practice curiosity by asking questions. We may ask those questions to people directly, or we may ask ourselves questions, and then listen for answers. We can practice curiosity by actively seeking out perspectives different from our own in an honest effort to understand somebody else’s perspective.

Listen

When we seek to listen before we speak, we gain an opportunity to better understand the people around us. When we first seek to listen, we take a posture of empathy. We’re not in a hurry to say our peace. Rather, we’re asking questions, and we’re actively listening.

We can practice actively listening by not being judgmental. We’re present in the conversation, and allowing periods of silence. Oftentimes, we’re in a hurry to fill silence with our words. When we do this, we command the conversation. When we allow for silence in our conversations, we let the other person think, and we get time to think. When we don’t understand something, we can ask clarifying questions, rather than making assumptions based on what we think we know. We can also make eye contact with the person that we’re listening to. Making eye contact is a great way to pick up on non-verbal cues and to stay engaged in a conversation.

Staying Connected

During this time of social distancing and isolation, it’s more important than ever to stay connected in some form. This goes both ways. We may turn inward on ourselves and further isolate ourselves. We may also turn away from those that need connection, forcing them into further social isolation that they don’t want to experience.

We can practice staying connected by reaching out to people when they come to mind. If you often find that somebody is coming to mind, maybe it’s a cue that you should reach out to them. Even if we can’t spend time around each other as much as we’d like, we can still reach out via chat, video chat, phone, email, text, and social media.

Another aspect to staying connected is to stay connected to the needs of people around you. Maybe not even just individuals, but groups. Are there ways that you can stay connected to groups that need assistance? Remaining physically distant doesn’t have to mean having to be emotionally distant.

Be Aware

We are each experiencing the pandemic in different ways. We may have young children at home and may be dealing with that stress. We may have to learn to work from home. We may have lost jobs. We may actually be ill with COVID-19. We may have loved ones who are suffering from COVID-19. Our loved ones may be one of the more than 100,000 people who have died from this disease. There are any number of contexts that we may be experiencing this from, and that others around us may be experiencing this all from. Awareness is being cognitively and emotionally aware of this, even if there’s nothing you can necessarily do or say about it.

A common way to practice awareness is to meditate. By meditating, we become present and aware. Meditation as a practice enables us to recognize those thoughts and go through those actions in our everyday lives, without having to go through the formal act of a meditation session. Meditation sessions help us to become more present in our day to day actions.

There are many guided meditation apps available. Personally, I use Headspace guided meditations (no official affiliation, I just prefer them.) There are many other meditation practices available as well. Meditation is a great place to start in order to practice being more aware.

Journaling

For myself, I’ve found that I can always process my thoughts better by journaling. When I journal, I can capture everything I’m feeling in the moment by writing it down. If I’m working on being more aware and present, I can capture my thoughts and feelings right away. Whether I’m struggling or feeling inspired, I can capture those feelings.

As I write, I process what I’m experiencing. When I can effectively process what I’m experiencing, I can find ways around or through them. I find journaling a significant tool in my personal growth. It highlights my struggles and my successes.

As a practice, I will give myself a journaling prompt of “empathy” or some related topic. It will cause me to think about things in different ways. I try to write 3 pages every day, so it can provide an opportunity for me to practice one of the themes that are listed above.

I’ve been told that one of my strengths is that I’m empathetic. I designed the MAKE ROOM Journal and Planner to be exactly what I needed, and part of what I needed was to find ways to explore and enhance my empathy. Personally, I’ve found it a great tool for doing just that.

Pulling through Coronavirus (COVID-19) Together

This topic has been on my mind for some time. It feels like we can’t say anything about Coronavirus (COVID-19) without it being politicized. If we say something “against” the other side, we drive them further into their trenches. If we say something “for” the other side, we admit defeat. This virus has been highly politicized, and as a population, we’ve been polarized by the politicization of it.

We’ve been polarized by the politicization of it.

This is so unfortunate. There are very real health threats and effects that come with this virus. There are also very real socioeconomic threats and effects. These threats, along with the polarization has brought us all to a point of crisis. The anxiety we feel about the economy and our ability to provide for ourselves and our families is real. The anxiety we feel about our health and the health of our loved ones is real as well. The anxiety we feel when somebody doesn’t stand 6 ft (2 meters) away is just as real. We’re all working through some pretty tough stuff, but if we’re going to pull through this, we’re going to need to do it together.

Life has become much more stressful for almost all of us. When you’re out grocery shopping, you can almost feel the anxiety. Everybody wants everybody else to stay 6 ft (2 meters) away from them. The other day somebody was standing too close to somebody else in line at the grocery store, and that person turned around and said, “I can literally feel you breathing on me, back up!” We see it everywhere, we can feel it everywhere. People rarely go out for pleasure, and are limiting their exposure. It’s understandable, it’s even advised by health professionals. But almost all of our social interaction with strangers is within the context of some stressful chore that we need to fulfill.

Wherever you get your news from, there’s bound to be stories that confirm your bias around whether the measures that we’ve taken and continue to take are valid. Leadership at all levels continue to politicize actions taken by individuals and groups, even when those actions are taken with the best of intentions. When we come in contact with somebody who doesn’t share our views, they get flamed – that is we light them up on social media through comments and less-than-civil dialogue.

The thing is that if we’re going to pull through this and come out the other side NOT completely divided, we’re going to need to be deliberate about pulling together. The traps have been set – the media stories and comments from leadership are placed. All we have to do is reach. Messages intended to polarize us are doing exactly what they’re designed to do. Our filter bubbles continue to feed our biases. We make a comment and we immediately send somebody deeper into their trenches, furthering the divide. If we’re going to pull through this, we’re going to need to practice empathy and personal responsibility.

If we’re going to pull through this, we’re going to need to practice empathy and personal responsibility.

When I say personal responsibility, I mean not immediately flaming somebody for having an opinion in opposition to yours. When I say personal responsibility, I mean adhering to reasonable health guidelines put out by health professionals. There are “health professionals” at both ends of the spectrum. Knowing what to do to be safe and to help keep people working does invoke a level of anxiety for many. We can either allow that anxiety to further separate us, we can can practice empathy to pull through this together. Even if we don’t have the “same” understanding, we can have a common understanding. We can disagree about things and still make progress. We do this by practicing empathy.

We can disagree about things and still make progress.

Empathy is being able to feel and understand the experience of another person without actually having gone through that same experience. While sympathy means that you have experienced similar experiences so you literally understand what they’re going through, empathy is being able to understand the experiences of another person. While we share the experience of going through Coronavirus (COVID-19) together, we each have different experiences that necessitate empathy.

Practicing empathy is more natural for some than for others. Practicing empathy helps strengthen and add meaning to relationships. It helps establish new, meaningful relationships. It also helps relationships from turning south. While we may not be in a “relationship” in the traditional sense with everybody we come in contact with, we are all in a relationship of sorts in that we are all experiencing the current situation together.

Practicing empathy will help us to not lash out at each other when somebody does or says things that we don’t agree with. Empathy also helps us to make decisions that won’t prompt others to lash out. Empathy is a 2-way street. By acting responsibly and practicing empathy, we can reduce the animosity and anxiety that we’re all feeling, and we can pull through this together. We can fight against the polarization, and can come together to be stronger together.

I want to wrap up by saying that this is a hard time for everybody for an endless number of reasons that only we understand individually. If we’re going to pull through not only this virus (regardless of how real somebody thinks it is), but the fallout that is coming with it (socioeconomic, health, and emotional), we’re going to need to do it together. To do that, we’re going to need to act with responsibility, but more importantly, we’re going to need to practice empathy and love for the people around us.

Whether those people are in the store, on the road, or in our families. We are stronger together.

Notable Journals

Journals have been kept by many notable people throughout history for many different purposes. Each journal was personal to the individual who kept it, and important to their personal advancement. To give you an idea of who has kept personal journals, and how they used them, here are a few notable people who have kept journals.

You’ll find that different people throughout history, and some notable names from today use journals for all sorts of different reasons. From drawings to inventions; from historical tracking to songs and poems. You’ll find that these people used journals for their progression, learning, and health. As you learn about the following people, think about how you can use your journal to unlock your own potential.

Marie Curie

Marie Curie’s was the first woman on win a Nobel Prize, the first person wo win a Nobel Prize twice, and the only person to win a Nobel Prize in two different fields. She pioneered the development of the theory of radioactivity, discovered two elements (polonium and radium), rounded medical research centers still in use today, and developed mobile radiography units to be used in field hospitals. Her journals include drawings, diagrams, notes, ideas, and thoughts. Most interestingly, Marie’s Curie’s notes are radioactive, and are kept in a lead case due to the work that she pioneered.

Charles Darwin

Charles Darwin’s works include “The Voyage of the Beagle”, which include his journaled notes aboard the HMS beagle. In his journals you will find sketches, diagrams, scribbles, ideas, and notes.

Leonardo DaVinci

Leonardo DaVinci’s journals have been preserved in over 7,000 pages of notes that he kept. His journals include diagrams, drawings, ideas, and notes. They cover subjects from astronomy to to architecture. In addition, he kept notes about more personal matters. Since he thought that they’d never be published, he also kept notes about things he bought. One of his notes famously includes his preference for pink tights.

Thomas Edison

At the time of his death, Thomas Edison left behind over 5 million pages of notes and journals! His notes included ideas for patents and inventions, drawings, diagrams, and detailed notes about financial deals. He kept to-do lists, and wrote poems and songs as well.

Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein kept lecture notes, drawings, travel diaries, and drafts. He recorded ideas, and even recorded his earliest thoughts on the Theory of Relativity. Some of his journals are available to look through at the Einstein Papers Collection. “The Road to Relativity” is a book written about Einstein’s notes, and how they evolved to come to the Theory of Relativity. Einstein didn’t know all the answers at the outset, but he kept track of his notes and learned as he went.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a modern actor and producer. He cites journaling as an important aspect to what he does. He states, “I like to write. I’ve gone through different phases in my life of writing in a journal more or less frequently, but it’s something I turn to, especially when I’m trying to work through something that’s vexing me.” His journal is obviously personal to him, and serves as a way to work through different challenges.

Emma Watson

In a 2013 interview, Emma Watson stated, “I don’t know what it is. I’ve always kept and collected things, and I’ve always been interested in the idea of diaries. I must have 10 different personal diaries: I keep a dream diary, I keep a yoga diary, I keep diaries on people that I’ve met and things that they’ve said to me, advice that they’ve given me. I keep an acting journal. I keep collage books.” She uses her journals to track and keep ideas. She actually keeps different journals for different reasons.

Your Ancestors

Beyond historical or culturally significant individuals, personal significant individuals have also kept journals. Your ancestors, some of who may be historically significant, are significant in their own rights. They are your lineage. You literally came through them. As most people keep, and have kept journals, there’s a good chance that your ancestors did too! What do they have to teach you about your heritage? Where you’re from? What can you learn from them?

Your own Journal

What can you you learn from your own journaling? How can you progress and develop? What can you record that will enhance the lives of the people who come after you? What do you need to work through? What potential can you unlock?

Start keeping a journal today! The MAKE ROOM Planner and Journal is a great way to keep a journal and then to design a life based on your ideas that you journal! The framework allows you to keep a journal, record and set your vision, values, and goals, and then design your days to be in alignment with your thoughts and ideas!

Design your life, and live it with purpose!

Fear & Hope

Fear and hope can be thought of as two sides of the same coin. They’re both based in the unknown. One leads to playing it safe, while the other leads to growth. By understanding the nature of each, we can make better decisions.

Fear

Embracing the fear side of the coin feels safe and responsible. Doing this, we can prepare for the worst. Lots of people will tell you to play it safe and to do the safe thing. While there are certainly instances that we should play it safe, there are instances where it slows or stops our progress. Basing decisions on fear can limit your potential.

Fear is based in the unknown. Maybe we’re afraid we’ll fail if we try. Maybe we have too much to lose. Maybe we don’t know enough. Maybe the timing isn’t right, or there’s too many other things to do. Making decisions based on fear is self-limiting. If we only go with what we know, we’re missing out on opportunities for growth and learning.

Stop and think for a moment, where is your fear based? Is it negative self-talk? Is it something somebody told you that you needed to consider? Consider the source of your fear, and ask yourself if this is where you should be making decisions from. Ask yourself, why is it considered more practical to base decisions in fear?

Hope

On the other side of the coin is hope. Hope is based in the unknown as well. Hope requires a lack of knowledge. If you have knowledge about the outcome of something, then you have to reason to hope for something greater. This makes hope based in the unknown.

Hope leads to boundless growth and potential. When you move forward (because you don’t have a choice, time will push us all forward one way or another) in hope, you have a posture of action. You explore potential. You are looking for positive outcomes.

This means that hope also requires effort. Perhaps we embrace laziness as fear in the name of prudence and responsibility. We say that it’s more responsible to make decisions based on fear, when in reality, it’s just easier to do because making decisions based on hope requires effort. Understand that when you deal in hope, you’re committing to effort. Effort that will pay off in the end.

Reality

Richard Wagner, German composer, director, and conductor said, “Imagination creates reality.” The question is, what reality are you creating from where you are right now? What do you imagine? Do you imagine the worst will happen based on fear? If so, then you act accordingly, and you create that self-limiting reality. If though, you imagine a hopeful future based on your dreams and goals, you create a powerful and compelling reality. You have the power, right now, to choose what reality you will create.

How often do you play it safe? How often should you be embracing your dreams and living with hope instead? What reality are you creating today?

The MAKE ROOM Journal & Planner is designed to help you design your own life, and move forward in hope. You can understand your goals and values, explore them more deeply, and then design your life accordingly.

Why Goals and Values?

The first thing you should do when you start a new MAKE ROOM Journal & Planner is list your goals and values. But why? Why is it so important to be sure that you’ve got your goals and values clear? Because if you don’t have them clear, you don’t know what to act in alignment with.

You need to act in alignment with your goals and values. They provide the compass. The metrics, ideas, and actions that you take (and don’t take) should all be in alignment with your values. If they’re not, they’re in alignment with somebody else’s, or they’re done according to what’s immediately in front of you.

You should sit down and take some time to journal about your values. Who are you trying to become? What’s important to you? Why? Be super familiar with them. Once you’ve decided your values, set some goals around them. Be familiar with your goals and values. Write them down in the front “7 Key Themes” area. Go back to them, review them and revise them. What you write down here will guide everything you do. Act in alignment with what you write down here.

Look, you can bullet the important things that need to be done that day, or that week, or that month. You can break down all the actions that you need to take into smaller, more manageable chunks. But, if you don’t have a clear direction, you’re not acting in alignment with your values and goals. Is your to-do list in alignment with your values and goals?

If you don’t remain focused on your own values and goals, you start to focus on what’s directly in front of you, or what’s easiest to focus on. You give into distraction and obligation. You have to be able to look past what’s directly in front of you. Often, those things are placed there, just to distract or redirect you. Sometimes they’re there because it’s part of the direction that you’re headed in.

Sometimes you need to deal with what’s in front of you. Your values, priorities, and goals provide a compass heading for you. Often, you’ll need to traverse what’s in your path. As you do, check back in with your compass to be sure you’re still headed in the right direction. When you’re going through those patches, remain on your heading, and you’ll know you’re still on your own journey, following your own compass heading.

If you don’t have your values, priorities, and goals set, and if you’re not familiar with them, it can be difficult to make the correct choices when you’re presented with a challenge. You may not know all the information, but if you can make a decision based on your values, you’ll make better choices. If you aren’t familiar with your values and goals, you’ll end up making choices based on others’ priorities, plans, and goals. Rather than your own values and goals directing you, the priorities of others’ will do it. This isn’t what you want or need. You have to travel your own path.

You will have to traverse difficulty. You will also have to travel through a few common themes. You will pass through education and learning. Your path will include passion. It will also include love. It will be difficult at times, maybe even more than you anticipated. If you let these difficult times, addictions, distractions, and obligations cause you to make decision that aren’t in line with your values and goals, you’ll end up being a product of those things, and not your own values and goals. It will be difficult, but it will be rewarding.

Make your choices based on your own values and goals. Be willing to suffer for them. Be willing to experience discomfort for what you believe in. When you do, you’ll find your own reward.

The MAKE ROOM Planner & Journal is designed to help you to live in alignment with your goals and values. Order yours today to find your own compass heading and start taking action on what’s most important to you!

Responsibility & Passion

There will be people that will tell you, maybe somebody has already told you, that doing what you love is selfish and irresponsible. This just isn’t true.

Let’s say you listen to this advice. Perhaps this advice was given to you by a guidance counselor, a friend, or a family member. Maybe they were even well-meaning. Whoever told you, and for whatever reason, you’ve chosen to believe that doing what you love is irresponsible and selfish. You decide that the right thing to do is follow convention and be responsible. You take a job that you don’t like. You put aside your passion. You go to this job and focus on responsibility. You’re never really happy now. You’re being responsible, but not following your soul’s calling.

There’s a constant low-lying sense of discontent and discomfort. You’re never really happy. Sure, there’s moments of happiness, but it never really lasts because you’re just not happy. The discontent, boredom, and malaise that comes from spending your time doing things you don’t particularly care about start to settle in. You’re never really satisfied now.

You’re not really that great at your job, or maybe your job doesn’t require greatness of you. There’s a feeling of discontent. You start looking for distractions, and well-designed distractions become addictions. You’re still unhappy, but now you’re also addicted. Maybe it’s media, video games, alcohol, drugs, food – whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t help. Now you’re working hard at a job that doesn’t have any real intrinsic value to support your new-found addictions.

You never really feel well, and all this tension begins to manifest as physical and mental health problems. To account for this, you start taking medication. Maybe it’s for high blood pressure, maybe anxiety – it doesn’t matter. Now you’re working at a job you don’t care about (or even dislike or hate), unhappy, distracted, addicted, and medicated.

Does this sound familiar?

All you want is security and comfort (both of which are illusions) and wellness. All of this is sold to you now. You’re the product and the target market. You buy bigger houses, new vehicles, new gaming systems, new phones, but none of it, none if it helps. It never will.

You’re now a product of what somebody else told you to do to be responsible and reasonable. You’re also a prime targeting market – discontent, looking to spend money to make yourself feel better. Meanwhile, your talents, your soul’s calling, that inner fire, your creativity have gone untended to. The constant tension you feel is the result of not finding a way to tend to that inner fire, your soul’s calling, your creativity.

Now let’s back all the way up. Yes – we need to be responsible. We need and want to be good citizens, spouses, partners, mothers, fathers, friends, all of it. But, we cannot ignnore what we’re called to do. To pursue your passions, to do what you love is not selfish. It is not irresponsible. Your talents and responsibility belong to you. There are things, INCREDIBLE things that only you can do. Not just because of your skill (because skill is what gets you through the door, you need that), but because of who you are.

Who you are is eternally and immesurably more important than what you do.

You’re meant to do great things. The thing is that nobody is going to give you a map and say, “here’s how you get there.” You don’t even know where “there” is. But you know the direction. So you start by doing something, you figure it out. You head in the right direction by working on it every day. You commit to that life. The great thing is that once you make that commitment, you find that you’re happier. You’ve never been busier, and you’ve never been happier. You make mistakes, you learn, and you keep going. You find a way to do what you love.

Admittedly, you may need to supplement your income with other work. That’s fine. If you keep pursuing it, at some point, you’ll find that your work gets in the way of your passion, and you’ll know when it’s time to make the jump. Or maybe you won’t, but you’ll be happy pursuing it separate from your job. It makes no difference. You’re committed to your goals and more importantly the lifestyle that’s required to achieve those goals.

You’re happier, you’re not looking for distraction, because they just get in the way. You’re a better citizen, spouse, partner, father, mother, friend, all of it. You’re healthier. You’re now the result of your own efforts rather than the product of somebody else’s fears, insecurities, and priorities. You’re not following a map. If there was one, you probably wouldn’t want it anyways because you’d just be following someone else’s priorities and understanding. You’re finding your own way now.

You’re better at what you do. It’s a net positive for everybody! It’s not just for you, but for everybody else too, even that person that told you that you should concentrate on responsibility and convention in the first place. Finding a way to do what you love that can help other people, and doing it well results in a net positive for everybody, including you. It’s not a selfish act.

You don’t have to be the first person to cure cancer or to fly to Mars, but who’s do say you won’t be? There are a million ways to make a positive impact and make a good living doing what you love. Your efforts to hear and act on your soul’s calling are what will lead humanity closer to what you believe in. You just have to do the work and commit to the lifestyle. Be willing to be uncomfortable for what you believe in.

You don’t get photos like the one above by being responsible. You have to choose passion over responsibility in that moment to decide to chase a storm for hundreds of miles into a sunset in order to get a photo like this. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have to find a way to buy gas, have a vehicle, have insurance, and all that responsible stuff. But, you do have to place that responsibility aside and chase what you love, and even get a chance to make a living at it.

Don’t seek comfort and distraction. Don’t follow convention just because somebody told you that you needed to. Find a way to do what you love. We need you.

The MAKE ROOM Planner and Journal is a way to organize your life in a way that lets you live in alignment with your goals and priorities. If you don’t MAKE ROOM for them, life around you will fill that space with it’s own priorities. MAKE ROOM for what’s important to you.

Finding Your Why

Finding your Why means that you understand more than “what” you do, or even “how” you’ll do it. Finding your Why helps to make your goals and purpose more personal. It connects you to what you’re trying to accomplish at a different level. Simon Sinek famously talks about having your Why in his TEDx talk “How Great Leaders Inspire Action”.

Knowing “what” you do is important. You have to do your “what” in order to accomplish what it is that you’re doing. What are you trying to accomplish? You honestly have to have a “what” in order to be doing something.

You need to know your “how”. How will you accomplish what you’re doing? You need processes. You need a plan. You need to share your product. You need to build your product. You need to have a community. Whatever it is, you need to know “how” you’re doing it.

But neither of those is where you start. When you start with “Why”, you have a different focus. You remain connected to your purpose, and it will drive you to succeed. When your “what” and “how” become monotonous, boring, and hard (because they will), your “Why” will continue to fuel you, because you care.

Having a “Why” also slants how you do your “what” and “how”. As a simple example, I asked a small group of youth to draw a house. The older ones drew a box with a triangle on the top. They had a door and a window, and some even had a chimney. The younger ones took a little longer and drew something a little more expressive. They all drew a quick house because I asked them. Their “why” was to just draw a house because I asked them to.

I asked them to talk about their house. It was what you’d expect. The older ones said something along the lines of “It’s a house, it has a roof and walls”, things like that. The younger ones wanted to talk more about it. Again, they were trying to be more expressive about their house. I asked them if they would live in their house. Most of them agreed that they would not.

I asked them to draw a house they would want to live in, and to be expressive about it. They drew mountains, trees, pools, garages, cars, all sorts of different things. These houses were much more expressive. You’d expect that, given the new assignment.

As simple as this example is, it shows the inherent power of having a “why”. When they were asked to draw a house, they drew a simple house because that was their why. When they were prompted to draw a house they’d live in, their imaginations went to work, and they were creative. A simple tweak of the “Why” changed the results.

It’s like this in our day to day lives too. In our work, our play, our family life, our health, all of it. Nobody’s there to change the prompts for us though, we have to do that ourselves. It’s so easy to get drawn into the monotony of life, or to become distracted. We focus on our “what” or even our “how”. It gets boring. It gets hard. Or, we focus solely on the results, and we don’t remain committed because we don’t have a strong “Why”. Just getting through the day keeps us bored, depressed, and distracted.

Well designed influences take your limited time and energy and devote them to those things. Since so much of your “just getting through the day” energy is devoted to your distractions, you begin to over-identify with them. You begin to defend them for no other reason except that you feel emotionally attached to them because they make you feel better. You lose your purpose because you’re distracted. You’re distracted because you either don’t have, or forgot your “Why” for working towards your goals.

It’s so important to live intentionally, and not be somebody else’s product. You can start by having your own “Why”.

The MAKE ROOM Planner & Journal is designed to help you design your own life. You can discover your own “Why”, and live life intentionally, with purpose, and in alignment with your own goals.