Resistance & Division

What do you resist? When you have a thought or an emotion that you don’t want, you typically try to resist it. The interesting thing about resisting an emotion or thought, is the more you resist it, the more you focus on it. The more focus you give it, the more friction and tension you create. The more tension you create, the more stress you feel. The more stress you feel, the more problems you have. This becomes a cycle of having a thought or a feeling that you don’t want, attempting to resist it, and then going through the range of emotions again. The more you try to get rid of it, the more attention you give it. The more attention you give it, the more you hang onto it. So then, how do you learn to let go of something, and not resist it?

The more we try to overcome an emotion, the more we resist it, which creates tension, making it harder to get over. The more we try to resist it, the more it intensifies. We have to learn to let go, and to switch our focus onto something else.

I’ve recently been going through a Headspace meditation that includes a visualization exercise. Basically, you visualize light above your head, filling your body. then you rest in that visualization. There’s (much) more to it than that, but that’s the 50,000 foot view. Once the light fills your body, you can focus on that feeling of spaciousness & calm. It’s not about resisting stress or anger, but rather focusing on something completely different that calms you. Your thoughts and actions aren’t about the negative thing you’re trying to resist, but rather making room for better things.

Using a timely example of the Trump impeachment, we can see this principle at work. Regardless of where you fall on the political spectrum, there’s a lot of negativity around Donald Trump, the Republican party, the Democratic party, and Mitt Romney’s lone decision to vote for impeachment; a decision that he said was based on his personal beliefs and values, and Donald Trump’s treatment of Romney for his decision. There’s so much to unpack politically, but let’s put that aside for a moment.

Regardless of the political side of the spectrum you reside in, there’s something to be upset about here. You have two basic choices as a response. You can either be upset about whatever it is you’re choosing to be upset about based on your political leaning, or you can try to not be upset by it.

Being upset by it and resisting the urge to be upset by it result in the same thing – a feeling of discord and anger. Using the principle of redirecting your focus, we can find the space and ability to move on. You can choose to MAKE ROOM for that spacious feeling of peace and light, or you can resist and hang onto those feelings that you know don’t make you feel good.

You can choose progress from a place of peace, love, and respect. You can even move forward with a sense of passion when you let go of those negative feelings. You can choose to act on these positive emotions and ideas, rather than acting on emotions of anger, resentment, or distrust and potentially doing and saying things that are designed to hurt others or bring them down.

As a nation, and even as a world, we’re being divided. There are metaphorical and physical walls being built to remind us of just how separate we should be. We’re being shown what we should focus on. When we act from a place of anger, resentment, and distrust, we only further divide ourselves. When we try to resist it, we only hold onto it even more. If we could take a moment to MAKE ROOM for who we really are, rather than who we’re being designed to be, we could move forward together with a sense of trust, love, and healing.

We would find we have far more in common than we do at odds.

Honestly? I’ve been really upset about the whole thing. Choosing to act based on my own priorities took some thought and effort. It was only found through my daily practices that I’ve established with my own MAKE ROOM Journal and Planner. Meditation, journaling, and then planning my day based on my priorities helped me to take action in a way that hopefully isn’t harmful and is intended to be healing in nature.

You can experience this same type of shift by having a journal of your own.

What Progress Looks Like

We often think of progress as going from point A to point B. We know that it’s rarely a straight line, but recently it feels like even less of a straight line than ever.

Any time I’ve ever visualized what getting from point A to point B looks like, I’ve always drawn a bit of a crazy line. The fact is that there’s days that I don’t even feel like I’m on target, or that I’m even going in the right direction. I mean, it seems so simple, to get from point A to point B, but simple rarely means easy.

The visualization above was a quick piece of art I put together this morning. It starts at point A, but then proceeds to head all over the place on it’s way to point B. Time is represented as color. There’s days that feel like I’m at least headed in the right direction, and then there’s days that I feel like not only am I headed in the opposite direction, but off in some other direction altogether. There’s days that I actually overshoot my goals, and think, “Okay, now I’ll set my next point”, only to find myself back near where I started.

Progress is not easy. It seems simple, but it’s not easy. Some days are better than others. Maybe the point isn’t to get from A to B, so that a new point can be established, but to understand where point A is, and where you’d like point B to be, and then start that journey. Who knows what you’ll encounter on your trip, or exactly where you’ll end up. We should be committed to the trip though, constantly re-evaluating, and establishing good habits that will bring us further along in our journey.

Maybe it’s less about getting to point B, and more about the appreciation of the journey. Perhaps there’s beauty and art to be found in a life lived with intent. Rather than seeing every new corner as an impediment to getting to point B, we can see them as opportunities to make choices and add to our life’s story.

Wishing, Wanting, and Being

We describe the things that we want, the way we want to feel, things we want to achieve, things we want to become, in terms of some future state. We say, “I want to be a professional writer”, or “I want to be a professional photographer”, or “I want to feel better”, or “I want to be healthy”, etc. That describes some future state that we want at the present moment. There’s more to being something that wanting it, we need to put in the work to achieve that future state. We need to be “verbing” in order to be the noun.

You don’t typically hear, “I want to fail, over and over again, so that I can master the craft that I’m interested in pursuing to become successful at it.” You don’t typically hear “I want to put in all the hours and work to become rich.” You just hear, “I want to be rich.” There’s a canyon between where we are and where we want to be, and we have to be willing to navigate that canyon, messy middle and all.

We can rarely will ourselves into a future desired state, we have to put in the work to achieve that state. When we say we want something, we’re really saying that we’re willing to commit to the work that goes into getting to that thing.

If you want to be a photographer, then commit to being a photographer. Not wanting to be a photographer. Being a photographer means taking endless bad photos and continuing to learn from them so that you can continue to take better ones. Being a musician means messing up hundreds of thousands of times while you continue to learn to master your art. Being something is more than just wishing, or even merely doing it. It’s committing to the personal growth, depth, and character that comes from pursuing your goals.

This doesn’t only apply to personal goals, but general life as well. If you’re sick, you just can’t make yourself get better. If you’re depressed, you can’t just make yourself feel better. If you’re out of a job, you can’t just make yourself find a job. Unfortunately, there’s not an “I’m here, and I want to be there” approach that works. We still have to put in the work.

Being clinically depressed is not something that we can say, “well, get to work then, and feel better”, but there are steps that we can take. We can reach out, ask for help, or find a friend that will check in on us from time to time to make sure we’re doing okay. Maybe exercise helps, maybe seeing a doctor who can prescribe the right medication will help, maybe seeing a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist will help. Those decisions and actions are still up each of us to take, even if we have to ask for help to make them happen.

Regardless of what we want, we have to be willing to commit to the work and be willing to commit to the steps. More importantly, we need to commit to growth and change in order to get to that place. We have to have a posture of action. Otherwise, we’re only wishing and dreaming, which has it’s place, but not when you’re trying to get somewhere.

The MAKE ROOM Planner and Journal allows you to set your goals, journal your thoughts to help you gain insight, and make your daily plan to live your life with purpose and in alignment with your principles and goals, all in one place. It has helped others, it can help you too.

Balance and the Seasons

The balance of a year isn’t found in a single season. Rather, it’s found in the application of four distinct seasons spread out over an entire year. Each season has its own purpose. Our lives are similar. We aren’t always able to find balance in our lives when viewed as a narrow span of time. When we take the long view of our lives, we’re able to find and achieve balance.

In the Spring, we plant our crops that we’ll harvest in the Fall. Efforts during this time are put into planting. We’re planting seeds, taking care of pests, and prepping the ground. In the Summer, our crops grow. The efforts of planting are mostly over, but new efforts have surfaced. We keep the crops healthy while they grow, we irrigate them, we keep pests away, and we tend to them. In the fall, we harvest. We see tractors and people in fields harvesting crops. Crops are sold, pumpkins are carved, and Farmers’ markets are bustling. In the Winter, we store and use our crops. We’ve grown, tended to, and harvested our crops, and in the Fall, we use them.

When “balance” is judged by the application of a single season, it’s nowhere to be found. How can we eat them if they’re still growing? How can we plant them if we’re harvesting and letting the soil renew? Rather, the balance of a year is found in the application of each of the seasons in succession, spread out over a year.

Our lives can be much the same way. We have seasons in our own lives. While we strive to maintain balance the best that we can, we still must understand that balance is found in the long view, not in a single season. You may be busy at work for a season and find that you’re not spending enough time with your family, or enough time playing. It’s okay. Be aware, and understand the season.

Season’s may last longer than a few months in your own life. Seasons may last years. Going to school is certainly a “season” that lasts longer than just a few months. This is okay. Just be sure to give each season it’s due effort, so that you can reap the rewards of the work applied to that season later.

Know that balance isn’t found in a single season, but instead, in the long view of the entire year.

Balance and the Bike

Balance is something we all strive for. We all want to have balance in our lives. We seek balance, as if it’s something we can achieve. The thing about balance though, is that it’s maintained, and not achieved. Balance is not something you attain. Balance is something you maintain.

We speak of balance like it’s a Utopian existence. We think everything would be so much better if we could just balance everything. We’ve all read about work/life balance; we strive for it. The balance between our professional and family lives. The balance between our personal finances and our desires. It’s all some balance that we set out to gain.

Balance though, is not a state that is attained. Think of the experience of a bike rider. The bike rider has balance. They are riding along, upright. What we forget, from both the rider’s and spectator’s perspectives, is that there are many adjustments being made the entire time. There is constantly something trying to throw the rider off balance. It may be terrain, traffic, weather conditions, or any number of other conditions. While it appears that the rider automatically remains upright, there is a constant effort.

Staying balanced on a bike becomes easier with practice. What once took concentration becomes second nature. With the increase in ability comes the ability to take on new challenges. You leave the driveway and head down the sidewalk. You leave the sidewalk in front of your home and ride around your neighborhood. Maybe you leave your neighborhood and take on a trail. Each new challenge requires new skill to remain balanced. The bike rider may fall, but they get back up, regain their confidence, regain their balance, and then continue on.

When we consider our life’s balance, we should remember that balance is not a state that we achieve, rather it’s something that must be maintained. This is much like balance on a bike. Like the bike rider, we will lose our balance as we progress. Much like the bike rider, we can get up, regain our confidence, and start again.

Balance may not always look the same. It may not always mean spending the same amount of hours doing each thing. It may mean spending less time doing something at some points, and more time doing the same thing at another point. Things may start to feel off balance, that’s when we correct and continue on.

This is how the MAKE ROOM Planner and Journal works. As you prioritize your time and work on the themes that are most important to you, you can look back to see how and where you’ve spent your time. You can plan your time to reflect your version of balance as well. If you feel off balance, you can look back to see where you’ve been spending your time, and make those constant corrections.

Just remember that balance is maintained and not attained.

It’s Not Just About Being There, it’s About Getting…

So often, we get wrapped up in the idea that we need to “succeed”, that we need to reach our goals, or that we need to arrive. We plan, set our goals, and then work hard to achieve them, and that’s important. We should be goal oriented, but often times we set our sights on a goal, and we miss the opportunity to grow during the trip.

On our way to our goals, we pass through territory that we haven’t passed through before. We may end up traveling with people that we meet along the way. We will end up knowing the people that we’re traveling with better than we knew them before. We’ll think thoughts we haven’t thought before, and we do things that we haven’t done before. This is all opportunity for growth.

Part of setting priorities and achieving goals is experiencing and growing along the way. The growth on the way to the goal is often what the goal is about. Many times, we start towards a goal, but end up switching directions or creating new targets because of how we grow and change, because of who we meet along the way. Our goals change us, and our paths along the ways to our goals change us.

Using the broad metaphor of a trip, you may need to pass through a lake, or through a large canyon to get to where you’re going. Do you learn to swim, or go around the lake altogether? Do you learn to rappel and climb, or go around the canyon altogether? What if there’s a mountain? Do you learn to climb? Do you fall in love with the lake, the canyon, or the mountain? Do you decide to alter your goals and stay there because of your experience? Do your priorities change now? What do you become in order to get to where you’re going?

The goal itself is important, yes, We shouldn’t lose sight of our goals. We should also be and stay aware during our trips. We often gain insight and skill through experience that allows us to become something new. We will often not only change, but also find enjoyment in the journey.

Habits and Leaves

Habits are like leaves. A single leaf, on it’s own, isn’t responsible for whole lot. It may be beautiful to look at, and it may inspire a larger vision or thought, but the utility of a single leaf is minimal.

An entire tree full of leaves, even a forest full of trees that are full of leaves, is entirely different. Single leaves help make up the canopy that provides shade to the ground beneath it. Leaves take in carbon dioxide, and replenish our air with breathable oxygen, helping to ensure the breathable balance that we need to breathe and survive.

Alone on a tree, while artistic and perhaps inspirational, the single leaf’s utility and strength lies in the fact that there are millions of them, and that’s how they attain their goals of shade, shelter, food, and balancing our environment.

Habits are not dissimilar from leaves in this.

Our habits are repeated behaviors that (hopefully) yield positive results. Our habits have incredible potential. A habit of writing, of exercise, of meditation, of taking photos, of speaking kindly, making meals at home; they all have incredible potential.

Take exercise for example. If you are trying to attain or maintain health, exercise is a key component to that. A single instance, a single trip to the gym, is not going to make you or I healthy. Rather, it’s the repeated action of exercise, every day, that has a cumulative effect. While the single workout session is not without its merits, it is the repeated action of working out that leads to the outcomes that you and I are trying to attain.

The effects of repeated habits go beyond what we initially imagine as well. Much like how leaves on a tree have more than one positive effect, the effects of our positive habits have far-reaching positive consequences too.

Going back to our example of exercise – we attain or maintain health (in conjunction with a healthy diet of course) through exercise. We also gain self-confidence, strength, we may gain insight into ourselves, the possible effects are almost endless.

Examining the leaves on a tree helps us to realize that every leaf plays a role in the canopy of shade or color that we enjoy and appreciate. Much like leaves, examining our habits helps us to realize that every action plays a role in our current existence.

The MAKE ROOM Planner & Journal is a great way to examine your goals and the direction you want to head in, and then build those healthy habits to support your vision. The MAKE ROOM Planner & Journal enables you to design your life, helping you to live with purpose and intent.